I have a cold. And I'm cranky. I'm sitting at the library because my house is being shown and there's a guy sitting right next to me who WON'T SHUT UP as I try to write a speech.
Maybe I should sneeze on him.
I haven't been sick for an entire year and in the last couple of weeks I've endured the stomach bug from hell and this cold that my sister keeps telling me is allergies and I assure you IT'S NOT.
My realtor told me that it's because I've been under a lot of stress lately which is probably true. That and I live in a house with three school-age children and therefore we are a petri dish of whatever the schools might be passing around that particular week.
Anyway, I know I'm stressed. Actually, I'm feeling quite lost right now.
Last night I was journaling about everything that's going on and I realized something. I know that leaving my house - the house that my husband and I bought together - will be difficult, but I can feel myself making peace with it. It's like a long break-up process where I'm trying to reconcile my feelings for the ex before I move on to the new guy.
If that makes any sense. Keep in mind this could just be the antihistamines talking.
I've always been a homemaker - even when I worked full-time. My home is my haven and I would choose to be there over almost anyplace else in the world. In fact, last year when my kids were at camp for two weeks, I didn't even go anywhere. I just stayed home.
It was bliss.
As I was writing last night, I realized that part of what's so hard right now is not just that I'm breaking up with my house, but also that I'm unsure about my new relationship because I don't know where I'm going. I'm in this weird in-between place where I don't have a firm grasp on where home is or is going to be.
And for a homebody like me...that really sucks.
I just have this feeling of floating through my life right now (antihistamines?) and not being grounded the way I like to be. I know that home will be wherever the kids and I make it, but it takes time to fully commit and breathe that sigh of relief when you walk in the door. And I want that NOW.
And, Brad, if you're reading this...stop making lightbulbs burn out at the house right before I have a showing. If you have something to say then just say it and stop being so damn passive-aggressive.